Time to read: 3 minutes
Article at a Glance:
- Start with the process, not the person. Most issues stem from unclear, outdated, or broken systems.
- Assume positive intent and get curious about why someone might be acting differently. They may see something you don’t!
- Use candor and consideration when direct conversation is needed; seek to understand, not accuse.
- Talk through hard things. It’s how we grow teams, improve systems, and elevate the human experience.
You’ve probably been there.
Sometimes it feels like there's just one person on the team who’s messing everything up, and if they would just do things your way, the process would run smoothly. (This can happen at work, at home, in church, anywhere!)
How do you handle this?
Spoiler: It’s not about confronting that person to get them to see it your way.
Instead, we’re going to shift our mindset.
How to Deal When Someone’s “Messing Things Up”
Here’s the big mindset shift: Look at the process and not the person.
When something isn't working the way we expect, it’s usually a breakdown in the process.
Maybe the process needs to be updated. Maybe the person isn’t clear about what the process actually is. Maybe the process is unnecessarily complicated or difficult to follow.
Or, maybe that person sees something different, like how the process could be better.
Even if the person knows the process but isn’t following it, ask why. Is the benefit of the process unclear to them? Do they need something they’re not getting in order to do their job? Do they have a different idea of how the process could work better?
It’s always best to assume positive intent. Instead of jumping to the conclusion that the person is maliciously messing things up or that they don’t care, explore other possibilities.
Respond with curiosity. SEE the person. Ubuntu and Occhiolism are key here. When you’re thinking about these things, come from a place of caring and a desire to help the person as well as the team.
But what if it’s not the process?
Sometimes…the issue really is a person. They might not be in the right role, or they might have issues that are getting in the way.
The best way to handle this is usually to go to the person first. Don’t go straight to your team lead or culture lead, and definitely don’t bring it up in front of the whole team. Think of candor and consideration here. Be honest, but also consider how you can show up in a way that’s helpful and invites collaboration rather than defensiveness.
Approach the conversation with the goal to understand things from their perspective. Don’t just push your own views.
Ask questions like…
- Here’s what I’m seeing…can you help me understand?
- What’s your experience?
- What am I missing?
- What are you seeing?
- Do you need anything?
Let curiosity be your guide, especially if you don’t know where to start. Try to understand what’s happening and how you can help.
What if you don’t know how to articulate what you’re seeing?
The one caveat to talking to the person first: If you aren’t sure how to articulate something or if you aren’t sure if your perspective is helpful, it might be necessary to talk through the issue privately with a culture team member or a team lead first.
But check your intention. Make sure you’re really seeking perspective, not collusion. Gathering thoughts and perspective isn’t the same as venting or rallying people to your “side,” or going around someone to get something you want.
This is something you do to prepare to talk to the person, not to avoid it.
This is how we grow
At Redmond, we expect you to talk about what you’re seeing. We want your perspective. It’s not just a request, but a requirement. This is tough for certain personalities, but it can be learned. Talking through these things is how we improve processes, relationships, and teams!
It’s not always easy to talk about what you’re seeing, especially if it involves another person. But we don’t have these conversations because they’re easy. We have them because they’re worth it.
What we’re doing here is worth it. The work is worth it. This is necessary to our mission to elevate the human experience!
